Tag Archives: Funny

Music Class

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It’s been awhile, I know.  I finally moved to day shift (yay!) which is fantastic for my life but not so great for my blog, since I do most of my blogging from work.  Oh well, I suppose I have to find a new (maybe slightly more appropriate) time to write.  Also, the switch from night to day shift has been a little less smooth than I anticipated.  I want to sleep all the time.  Like, even on my days off, I put Alexa to bed and then get in bed myself.  I end up falling asleep around 9:00, just to wake up at 4am ready to go.  It’s only been 2 weeks so I’m still adjusting.  My first week of day shift was OK, there are a lot more people here during the day which is exactly what I don’t like.  More people to have to talk to is not my idea of fun.  And on top of all the doctors and case workers, etc. there are also tons of med students getting all up in everyone’s business.  Which brings me to my next story.

Alexa and I went to music class, as usual, last Friday.  She was having one of those kind of days where she’s just a little more crazy then usual.  She insisted on wearing her 4th of July fireworks shirt and then on the way to music class she pulled out her pig tails and lost one of the stretchies.  She ended up having this crazy pony tail with a center part that was left over from the pig tails plus wearing this ridiculous shirt that is too big on her anyways.  She looked just about as crazy as she was acting.  So we were sitting in music class and it was time for the drums.  Lexi would not stop putting her drum mallet in her mouth so I ended up taking it away from her.  I was in the process of shaking it at her and threatening to beat her with it (joking, of course…mostly) when who walks by but one of the doctors I work with accompanied by the slew of med students who had been hanging around the PICU all week.  Of course he came up to me to talk for a minute and asked how day shift was (blah, blah, blah).  Meanwhile I told Alexa to say ‘hi’ and handed the mallet back to her (in the most gentle, non-threatening way I knew how).  The whole time with 10 med students just standing there watching us.  Perfect.  So then I suppose Alexa thought that she already hit crazy, she might as well just go with it.  (After the small entourage of doctors left – thank God)  She started pulling her shirt over her head and walking around with the front of it over her face, laughing.  Then, she took off the whole shirt, put her hands on her hips and walked around the room saying “I’m naked!  I’m naked!”.  Imagine about 15 mothers, plus the teacher, sitting in a circle singing songs while their babies are either on their laps or playing in the center of the circle.  And then there’s my kid.  Half naked strutting around proclaiming and celebrating her nudity.  After two attempts to put her shirt back on (it quickly came off again), and tucking it into her pants (that didn’t work either), I picked her up and we had a little discussion in the hallway about how if she doesn’t act like a big girl, we aren’t coming back to music class again.  She nodded and said “Shexa big girl’.  The other mothers were smiling and chuckling at her but I know that they were thinking ‘Oh, thank God my kid isn’t acting like that’.  Alexa did act like a big girl for what was left of the class (about 5 minutes) and we had another talk this past Friday before leaving for our class.  Oh, and this week, she wore a onesie.

(August 11, 2012)

The Tooth Demon

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This past weekend we met a new side of Alexa.  The crazy side.  I’m not kidding.  And I’m pretty sure it came in the form of a tooth.  On Friday night she started getting a little fussy, had a fever and was chewing on stuff.  No problem, she got some Tylenol and for the most part felt better.  We went to bed Friday night thinking that everything was fine, not realizing that crazy girl was about to come out.  Sometime between Friday night and Saturday morning, some demon or something got a hold of my sweet little baby.  What?  Are you going to say that I’m exaggerating and it couldn’t have been that bad?  Well, you’re wrong.  I seriously considered calling my local priest to inquire about the cost of an excercism.  Seriously.  If she would have started projectile vomiting green pea soup, with her head rotating and the words ‘help me’ appearing on her abdomen (Katie, that word was just for you), I would not have been surprised at all.  (OK, maybe mildly surprised)  If she wasn’t screaming, she was pissed.  If she wasn’t pissed, she was following us around crying “up please?  up please?”.  I swear she made it her life goal on Saturday for her feet to not touch the ground.  She probably woke up Saturday morning and thought to herself:  ‘Self, I believe I will try to stay at least three feet above the floor all day long.’  Well, good job Lexi, because you pretty much met your goal.  We tried to do everything for our screaming, drooling child.  She got Motrin around the clock, she chewed on teething rings, we played, we read books, we watched Abby Cadaby on TV.  All of her favorite things and she continued to be pissed.  I can not even count the number of times she got put in time out.  I’m sorry, but hurting or not, there is no hitting or throwing toys.  At the end of the day I ended up sitting in time out with her and muttering “Let’s just take a break, Lex, let’s just take a break”.  She was pathetic.  She went to bed Saturday night, woke up and fussed a couple of times (we ended up sleeping in our sick bed) and woke up Sunday morning a new person.

So, I now have a theory about all of this.  Everyone knows about the tooth fairy.  I feel that we need to raise awareness about the tooth demon.  Who is obviously the tooth fairy’s estranged relative…perhaps an uncle?…who finds glee in causing children (and sometimes adults who refuse to have their wisdom teeth out  for fear of the dentist.  What?  I don’t like people touching my teeth.) horrible pain, drooling and temporary psychosis.  Hopefully, you will only be visited by the tooth demon when you have teeth coming in, although, he does enjoy the occasional cavity.  It’s incentive to brush your teeth.  Oh my God.  I could write a children’s book!  Plus, added bonus for you for reading this far down the page…there is actually a moral to this story!  Brush your teeth or the tooth demon will come and get you!  Raise the awareness, people!  Raise the awareness!

(June 27, 2012)

The Bulletin Board

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OK, so they have this bulletin board at work where they talk about the staff.  There’s a little paragraph or two about where the nurse/secretary/PCA grew up, went to school, hobbies, why you like working in Peds, etc.  And then each person has a picture by their little summary thing.  (Well, most people have a picture.  There’s one picture that makes me feel slightly uncomfortable and another one that has a picture of the beach…no person, just the beach.)  This board is right in the middle of a wall between Peds and the PICU so it’s there for everyone (patients, families, everyone) to see.  When asked the “why do you like working in pediatrics?” question, every one’s answer is something like “I love working with kids” or “my coworkers are great and I love the kids” or “little kids are so sweet and innocent” or “any time I can get even a small smile out of a child, it makes my day.”  (yes, I got up just now to make sure that I got that all right)  Anyway, so I was joking around last weekend about how they would never put me up on that wall because they’d be afraid of how I would answer the questions.  For example, if asked why I enjoyed working in pediatrics, I would answer that, given the choice, I’d much rather clean up baby poop than adult poop.  Now, that’s an honest answer.  Well, now wouldn’t you know that on Monday morning, one of the leadership people asked if she could interview me for the board?!?!  First of all, this person works day shift in the out patient area so I have spoken to her a total of about 2 times (including my little ‘interview’).  And I’m about 99% sure that she asked about me (mostly who I was, but also if I was married, had kids, etc) before this so called interview.  I have my sources.  Anyway, she interviewed me at7 in the morning after I had just worked all night (without much sleep the day before) and was exhausted so the filter was way off.  Plus, she asked me all these questions in the middle of the nurses station with both the night shift and oncoming day shift nurses (who I happen to really like) there so I felt the need to make small comments after each of my answers.  For example, when asked where I grew up I answered “Hollywood, Florida” and then proceeded to do a single handed raising of the roof while singing in my ghetto voice “Holly-hood!”  See?  Filter off.  I couldn’t help myself.  It was my musical turrets.  It’s hereditary, right Katie?  I think I did OK with the middle questions about school and stuff.  I told her about how I danced in a company in college and how I teach now.  I talked about competition but I don’t think she really got it.  Then came the question I was waiting for!  She asked me why I enjoyed working in peds and I answered, without hesitation, that given the choice, I’d much rather clean up baby poop than adult poop.  She stared at me.  Courtney and Catherine laughed.  She asked me what I wanted the board to say and I told her to write something about how kids are wonderful and I work with awesome people but right as I was answering, Courtney said “no, she said the poop thing, that’s what you should write!”  Then Courtney (she used to work night shift) said that I was really funny so my interviewer wrote on her paper “funny”.  So, needless to say, I’m pretty excited for the new board to come out.  Oh, and she also asked me to email her a picture of myself and tonight, as I was looking for one, I discovered that there are none.  At least none in the past four or five years where I don’t look like a complete idiot.  Most of the recent pictures of me include Alexa:

 Or, they are of Katie and I acting like a bunch of fools:
 Or, Katie and I trying to be pretty (while wearing other people’s mickey hats…sorry Lauren):
 Or, we take pictures to bring attention to serious issues.  For example, this picture, which clearly demonstrates the many dangers of under aged driving:
 There is the random picture of me posing with objects (not shown is me with flowers (which happen to be a great example of my best friend’s wedding colors), me with random pieces of food and me with various Christmas presents…I like the croquet mallet picture the best):
 And then there is this one, which I still consider to be one of my finest moments and pretty much the best picture ever taken (slight exaggeration):
In conclusion, I have decided that my little personal summary thing is either going to be highly offensive to others or an extreme misrepresentation of me.  It could go either way.  Oh, and also, I need to have her take a picture of me because I don’t think they will approve of my options and I refuse to have a random beach scene as my photo.
(May 7, 2012)

That crazy bitch…Tinkerbell, who did you think I meant?!

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I was just searching the internet for a picture of Tinkerbell with a big cross or X through her. You know, to further illustrate for you my dislike. And let me tell you, I have found my people!!! Apparently there is a whole anti-Tinkerbell movement. Well maybe that’s a slight exaggeration. But still. There is a facebook page that you could ‘like’ with a description that says some thing like ‘why the obsession with Tinkerbell when she’s not even a real princess?!’ Exactly!!! I personally think that she is a dirty whore. What? You think this is a family blog?! I talk about boobs here, I think I can use the words dirty whore. Especially when they’re true. Seriously, is that the kind of role model you want for your kid?! She steals Minnie’s thunder (with all the merchandise they sell with her on it), she hardly has any clothes on and she totally tries to sabotage Peter and Wendy’s relationship. Well…maybe not, but still. I’m still not clapping my hands for that bitch! And you can make fun of me for feeling so strongly about a fictional Disney character but I don’t really care. One website even cautioned against getting a Tinkerbell tattoo because it’s associated with drug use. See, these are the type of people who like Tinkerbell…druggies! By the way, I love Peter Pan, it’s one of my favorite Disney movies. I think he was the first red head I’ve ever loved. Haha. But anyways, it’s just that nasty Tinkerbell who I don’t like. Hayley told me she was going to save the 3-4 year old ballet Tinkerbell song she has for when Alexa is in her class. I told her that I’d take her out and bring her to the other dance studio. She laughed and thought I was kidding…not so much! Here’s a picture of Alexa’s princess bath toys with Tink facing the correct way…at the wall.
Hahaha, I hope you’ve enjoyed my crazy Tinkerbell rantings. This is the craziness that occurs at 5am….two hours left until I get to go home.

(October 5, 2011)

‘How to put up an above ground pool’ by Nick and Kristin (mostly Nick)

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I love pools. LOVE THEM. To the point that when we were living in Davie, pretty much every day I had off, I was at the pool. Needless to say, living in Crawfordville, I’ve been in a little bit of a pool shock. I complain about it all the time. So my mom and Nick were at Target the other day and saw a 12 foot pool on an end cap for $32! That’s right, you heard me, only thirty two dollars!!! So anyway, on Tuesday we finally had time to assemble the pool. For step by step instructions, please see below.

Before you begin, make sure you kill the grass that will be under your pool. You can do this by any means necessary including but not limited to killer bug spray, bleach in a spray bottle or actual grass killer. (I’ll go ahead and save you some time and advise you to just get it over with and buy the damn grass killer…trust me.) Once your grass has turned sufficiently brown, select a date and time to set up your pool. Apparently the best time to do this is in the heat of the day, when it’s about 110 degrees outside.

OK, step 1: Make a crop circle. Or in our case, a crop egg. This can most easily be done with a riding lawn mower. You know when it’s the right size when you walk outside to find your husband riding in circles laughing his crazy evil laugh! At this point, just go ahead and tell him to stop.

Step 2: Take the huge roll of plastic that you had origionally intended to be the worlds largest slip-n-slide and cut it to fit in your crop circle. (Sorry about the slip-n-slide, Katie. 😦 I’m sure we can get another super long roll of plastic)

Step 3: Get an increadably small amount of sand and spread it around on top of the plastic to try to level out the ground.

Step 4: Have a long, heated debate with your spouse regarding previously mentioned sand and how, while the concept is good, we are actually doing nothing to level the ground. One can even argue that it made it worse.

Step 5: Lay the pool on top of the plastic/sand combination and according to the instructions, let it sit in the sun. No worries, because you are doing this in the heat of the day, it will only take about 30 seconds for the pool to get almost too hot to touch.

Step 6: Put together the top PVC-like things for the frame of the pool. The last one will be hard to get together but as the instruction manual states: “You can do it!”

Step 7: Attach the leg pieces.

Step 8: Fill with water. Note: at this point feel free to let your baby splash around in the actively filling pool with her clothes on. Why not, right?

(July 21, 2011)