Tag Archives: Dogs

How To Pack A Car (Alone) With 2 Children In 27 Easy Steps

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1- A week before your trip, make multiple lists for every possible item you may need.

2- Spend every spare moment you have in that preceding week packing the bags and making new lists.

3- The night before you leave, collect your bags by the door and double check your packing skills.  Make a new list of last minute items to be packed in the morning and have yet another bag ready for those things.

4- The morning of your trip, wake up, get the children up and (referring to your final list) pack your last bag.  Go ahead and feel really good about yourself right now and take a moment to let that feeling sink in because this will be your best parenting moment of the day.  Please notice that your best parenting moment did not include children.

5- Try to take the dog out and realize that it’s starting to rain.  Well crap.  You will then have to pick the dog up and put her in the grass because she has developed a sudden, irrational fear of water (especially the kind that falls from the sky).  Tell her that she’s being ridiculous, that it’s only sprinkling and that she needs to pee now.  She does not pee, but turns around the second you put her on the grass and runs back inside.

6- Go put a pee pee pad down on the floor in your bathroom for the dog to pee on.

7- Attempt to stop the 1 year old from unpacking all of your beautifully packed bags that are still sitting by the door.

8- When the 3 year old asks to help, tell her that she can help by watching the 1 year old.  (She will then say “OK!” and sit on the floor in your room with the 1 year old to play with her.  Appreciate this moment.)

9- Begin carrying the bags out to your car.  You will need to take the double stroller, so there will be some strategy in packing the trunk of your little Ford Focus.

10- After you have the stroller and larger bags by the trunk of the car, take a moment to assess the situation and visualize how everything will fit best.  About half way through packing the bags into the trunk you will notice a small, chunky baby running out of the garage into the rain…barefoot.  And guess who’s running out right behind her?  The (apparently miraculously healed of her water phobia) dog.  The same dog who was acting as if we had acid rain in North Florida is now chasing after the 1 year old and jumping in puddles like she’s a puppy.  Meanwhile, of course the rain starts coming down harder and the bags are getting wet.

11- Screw the systematic approach and throw the rest of the bags into the trunk.

12- Run after the barefoot 1 year old who is now soaked and filthy and is also now running away from you while shrieking with laughter.

13- After you get the 1 year old back into the garage, go back out for the dog who has now apparently gone deaf because she suddenly has no idea what the phrase “Minnie! Get back in the house!!!” means.  As you get the dog, be prepared for the 1 year old to try to escape back out into the rain…it will happen.

14- With the dog under one arm and the 1 year old under the other arm, get back into the house where you will find the 3 year old standing in your room.  Now here’s where I’m going to save you the trouble because if you ask her: “Alexa, I thought you were going to help Mommy by watching Kate and Minnie”  she will answer: “I was watching them and then they walked away from me and I couldn’t see them anymore.”  I have no words.

15- Get the baby cleaned up and put shoes on everyone.

16- Pack up some snacks for the car .  Look up and realize that it stopped raining (probably as soon as you came inside).

17- Tell everyone that it’s time to get in the car and, with the bags that contain the car toys on your shoulder, try to herd the children through the garage and out to the car.

18- Spend about 5 minutes getting them into their seats and buckled in.

19- Bring the dog back inside.  Again.  Tell her that she’s not coming this time.

20- Grab your purse and keys, lock the door and get into the car.  This is when the 3 year old will ask for a drink…and you realize that her sippy cup is not in the diaper bag.

21- Go back into the house to get the missing sippy cup (which the 1 year old had pulled out of the bag in her attempt to unpack everything).

22- Get back into the car and realize that your phone isn’t plugged into the charger and in the cup holder where you keep it.

23- Search frantically for the phone.  Dump out your purse and diaper bag onto the front seat.

24- Go back inside to look for your phone.  (you left it on the kitchen counter)   On your way out, grab some more snacks.

25- Dump your phone and the snacks onto the front seat in the car and go back into the garage to get a Pepsi out of the fridge (because who the hell thought it was a good idea to wake up at 6:45 so that we could leave as soon as the girls got up?!).

26- Go back into the house at least 3 more times for random items that you either forgot or one of the girls said that they need.

26- Drive to the stop sign at the end of your street where you will suddenly remember 2 more things that you forgot.

27- Keep driving.  It’s not worth it.

(June 12, 2014)

A Whole Lot of Crazy – part 2

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Since Alexa has had the bumpers off of her crib, she has been having a little problem at night keeping her pacis.  She doesn’t realize it, but when she’s sleeping she throws them on the floor.  The phrase ‘active sleeper’ just doesn’t even begin to describe her.  You have to see it to believe it.  So, on to my story:

I got up for work one morning and everything seemed to be how it should be.  After showering and getting dressed, I was in the kitchen making my oatmeal when I heard a whimpering noise.  It sounded just like Wolfie.  Wait.  I think I should first tell you that about two days before this happened I swear I saw Wolfie in my family room.  Alexa and I were playing in her room and when I looked out her door I know I saw him walk by the couches.  At first I assumed I was crazy, that it must have been one of the girls but then I realized that both girls were sitting right next to me.  This is not even the crazy that I’m going to talk about, either.  I swear that I see people all the time.  Like the ghost at Dance Explosion (that many people have seen) who I know is my grandpa Nettina.  Oh and another time, when I was vacuming, I was positive that I saw grandpa Natwick sitting on my couch.  And the obvious time when grandma Natwick stopped by on her way to heaven to tell me about her chair.  Are you telling me that it is a coincidence that I woke up at the exact time she passed and could think of nothing else but that chair?  OK, I’m getting off track.  Anyway, so it’s 5:30 in the morning and I hear a whimpering noise.  First, I dismiss it, thinking that I’m hearing something from the microwave or something outside.  Then it happens again.  And again.  And again.  Enough times that now I know I am hearing something and that it is in the house.  Oh yeah, and it sounds EXACTLY like how Wolfie used to whimper.  Do I think that I have a small child in the other room?  No, of course not.  I immediately jump to the conclusion that my dog has come down from doggie heaven to say hello.  Trying to be sane, I turned on the lights in my room to check on the girls and make sure it wasn’t them (Nick was sleeping in the guest bedroom that night – with the monitor.  But that’s a whole other story that will take up much too much time).  So anyway, I turn on the lights and Glynnis and Minnie are passed out sleeping.  I’m pretty sure Minnie was snoring, and I’m positive that neither of them were whimpering.  ‘Great’, I think, now I’m just one step closer to crazy.  So what do I do?  I go back out to the kitchen/family room and I’m sneaking around whispering Wolfie’s name.  And then I hear it again.  Now I’m sure I’m crazy.  Thoughts of schitzophrenia are running through my head.  Here’s the crazy girl who doesn’t hear voices.  Oh no, she hears her deceased dog crying for her.  I decide that I need to go wake up Nick because he needs to have me admitted somewhere, he needs to take me to the crazy house and OH MY GOD, why won’t that dog stop crying?!?!  It is at this point, when I am about five steps away from the guest room door, that I remember that I have a child.  I walk up to Alexa’s door and slowly creep inside her room to find her sitting up, kind of slumped in the corner of her crib.  She looked at me, made her little Wolfie-like whimper and I silently said a small prayer of thanks for the last bit of my sanity.  Apparently, I’m not quite as crazy as I once thought.  When I walked up to Alexa and asked if she was ok, she nodded yes.  And then in a completely big girl and whimper free voice she said “paci fall on floor”.

(September 20, 2012)

A Whole Lot of Crazy – Part 1

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Alexa has always been great going to bed (when I’m home).  She’s one of those kids who you put in the bed, she picks up her paci and bunny, turns on her music, lays down and goes to sleep.  It’s a big part of what makes her so incredibly awesome.  So, a few weeks ago (I know, I’ve been a little too distracted with other things to keep up with the blog lately) we were all doing our usual bedtime routine and for some reason Lexi wanted her paci early.  We are hopefully going to be getting rid of the paci soon, so she only gets it when she is physically in her bed.  So after lots of screaming, we finally put her in the crib, gave her the paci and said good night.  Well, she did not like that at all.  She kept on screaming that she was “all done night night” and after lots of hugs and kisses I just told her it was time to go to sleep and left her in the crib to scream by herself.  No big deal.  I assumed she would just lay down and go to sleep like she always does.  About two minutes later, as I was doing dishes, I looked up to see her door slightly open.  My first thought was ‘why did Nick go in there?  She finally quieted down and she needs to just put herself to sleep.’  Then I saw a little 2.5 foot creature in her pink footie pajamas creep around the door, grab the handle and slowly pull it closed.  She turned around to look at me with an expression of equal parts awe, excitement and pure terror.  And then she said “hi”.  Crazy girl had climbed out of her crib, somehow (thank God) landed on her feet and decided to come hang out with the grown ups.  We scooped her up and I read her some books as Nick took the bumpers off of her crib.  I know it’s something we should have done months ago but she likes her crib so much, I never thought she’d try to climb out of it.  Plus, she’s so short the side rails on the crib come up to her armpits.  Even if she used the bumpers to stand on, I thought it’d be impossible for her to actually get out.  Well apparently I have been proven wrong.  As usual.  And after laying on the floor next to her crib pretending to sleep and watching her crawl out not one but two more times that night without the help of the bumpers, I have come to the conclusion that my child has super human upper body strength.  She goes to the front right corner of her crib, grabs onto the outside of the rail and pulls herself up until she can get her right leg up onto the right side rail.  Then she uses her leg to help pull herself up so that she’s laying on top of the side rail on her belly and I assume then she swings her legs around to drop and land on her feet (I ‘woke up’ and stopped her when she got to her belly).  I guess that its a good thing that we drilled into her head to get down from the couch or our bed feet first.  At least maybe that helped her from landing on her head.  Needless to say, we went out and got another video monitor after that night (our first one had broken months ago and we’ve just been using an audio monitor).  And, so far, she hasn’t tried to climb out again.  Which I’m very happy about.  Alexa really does love her crib and, the way that she sleeps, I wouldn’t trust her to be in a toddler bed.  Plus, I like knowing that when we put her to bed at night she has to stay there until we get her in the morning.  No night time strolls around the house or midnight play time in her room.  I’m not ready for that yet.

(September 20, 2012)

Crazy, Just Crazy

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I am eventually going to post pictures of our Disney trip (maybe even tonight, if I get motivated) but first I must tell you about my crazy day with my crazy child and my crazy dogs.  First of all, Wolfie isn’t doing to hot.  He has some back problems and now he’s developed some anxiety.  Yeah, that’s right, the dog has anxiety.  Now, normally I would tell him to suck it up and get over it except that his form of anxiety manifests as a high pitched whinny cry that pierces your soul and is never ending.  When you are trying to sleep, you will do anything to make that stop.  Trust me.  That being said, while I sleep, Wolfie is now allowed to roam the house at his leisure instead of going in the crate with the girls.  So I woke up this afternoon, an hour earlier than I wanted to (this is of course after getting up to pee three times because of all the Pepsi I drank at work trying to stay awake through the night) irritated that the one day I can sleep in a little bit, I wake up at 1:30.  Whatever.  So I get up, clean up Wolfie’s pee off the floor (I’m not going to even get into that), and take the dogs out.  Of course Wolfie won’t go outside so I have to pick him up and put him on the grass where he proceeds to lay down.  Fine, obviously you don’t have to pee since you did it already on my wood floors.  He lays there until the girls are done and then finally decides to walk around a little bit and do his business.  So we stay outside longer.  Finally, 15 minutes later, after we all were ready to go back inside, I was able to take a shower and get ready.  I left to pick up Alexa from day care and returned home to find poop on one of the area rugs.  I was gone for about 20 minutes total.  I’m not going to get into how I know it was Wolfie poop but let’s just say I have my ways.  The next hour and a half was full of making dinner, eating dinner, getting dressed for work and playing with Alexa/trying to keep her occupied so she will quit screaming like a banshee.  After dinner, we went outside with the dogs.  Everything was fine until it was time to go inside.  Of course that was the point where Alexa decided that she wanted to ride in her car or throw a ball or do anything else that I said ‘no’ to.  I’d be herding the dogs to the door, I’d get Alexa almost to the door and then she’d run to something else that she wanted to play with.  I tell her no, she throws a fit, I drag her to the door again, repeat, repeat, repeat.  Meanwhile, Wolfie now decided (of course) that it was a nice time to take a walk by the woods.  You have got to be kidding me.  Let’s all now think back to that wonderful bear we had about 6 months ago which was never actually caught, which I imagine is sitting just beyond my field of vision waiting to pounce on and eat whatever small creature happens to be walking by.  (Hey, I never said that I didn’t have issues too)  So, of course now my priority is Wolfie (who, by the way, I need two hands to carry because of his back) and of course I never got Alexa close enough to the door to actually get her in the house.  I run to go pick up Wolfie and Alexa runs to the swing.  The whole time looking at me and shreiking with laughter.  I loose it, and start screaming that every living creature in this yard better get their butts into the house NOW!  (slight paraphrase) Eventually, everyone got inside, Alexa and I got into the car and I was able to drop her off to Nick who was still at work.  During the whole walk to Nick’s room, Alexa and I worked on stopping, going and listening to Mommy.  And I also decided that no one is allowed to chase her around the house for fun saying ‘I’m gonna get you!’ anymore.  It’s banned.

On a lighter note, Alexa and I are going to a 31 party on Thursday with all of the women in the subdivision we live in.  I’m kind of excited to meet some of our neighbors but I’m mostly terrified of having to actually talk to people I don’t know.  In any kind of social situation you can pretty much say good bye to nice, kind of funny, sarcastic and witty Kristin and say hello to silent, awkward Kristin.  And without Nick to hide behind, it will be ten times worse.  At least Alexa is coming with me.  She’s a good excuse to have to leave if need be.  I can almost hear my mom asking me “Kristin, did you make any friends today?!”  No, mom, I didn’t.  Well, at least on Thursday I can get points for trying.

(April 3, 2011)